


Find Me.

by WORLDLWT



Series: I Do. [2]
Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Divorce, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, First Love, Forbidden Love, Friendship/Love, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Heavy Drinking, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, New York City, Sad, Sad love, True Love, harry loves Louis, planes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 22:11:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4804118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WORLDLWT/pseuds/WORLDLWT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You all wanted some sort of closure and I promise to give it to you! My way though ;)</p><p>Ive never had 500+ people calling me the satan of writing but I'm so happy that you all liked it! Heres part two then Louis POV just how far will he go to find Harry.</p><p>Twitter<br/>@WORLDLWT</p>
            </blockquote>





	Find Me.

**Author's Note:**

> Quick reminder that I literally have no mercy and now its 1am I wrote part one at noon. I have wedding songs playing on pandora you guys are going to sue me I'm sure of it.

Harry seemed off all day. The pendant he gave me was still tucked away safely. I stroked the pocket my heart beat going a little faster at the touch. He looked so broken during the ceremony. He didn't drink at the reception, he was so sober, almost as if he was trying to stay sane. Like a teenage girl at a party who knows if she drinks shell try to hookup with her crush. I chuckled at the idea and went to go pick up my jacket. A paper fluttered to the floor. 

I bent down, curiously taking it in my hands. My name was scribbled there, water or tears stained the top, my name almost illegible. When I opened it I realized it was Harry's handwriting. I looked towards the half open door. Debating if this was the best place. I slowly approached it, hand brushing the door, closing it with a soft thud and a quick click of the lock. 

I sat down on the couch flipping the letter around, it seemed hurried and it was full off what I'm assuming are tear stains. I sighed, my fingers crushed through my hair. It was now or never.

_Dear Louis,_

_Today is September 14th 2015, your wedding day._

_I remember when we first met, prom, graduate from high school and college and every moments in between._

_Somewhere along the way I fell madly in love with you. If I'm being honest I think it was the moment I looked into your eyes. You had me from the very first moment. Ive never felt like this for anyone, nor will I ever again._

 

_I love you too much to stay here. I can't torture myself this way. Alice is a beautiful girl and I hope you're happy together. I almost died up there watching you two smile at each other, my whole world stopped the day you got engaged. I said I was happy but Louis, oh Louis I cried for days, weeks, months I feel like I haven't stopped crying since that day in May._

_I disappointed you today. I could see it in your eyes. I could only imagine the look in mine, probably nothing, I feel nothing, I am nothing._

_By the time you read this the party will be over. My speech will make us both cry and then hug. But ill also be gone, Im going to New York. I need to start over. Far away from you. I want you to know that I love you more than you understand and more than I want to feel. You're everything Ive ever wanted and more. But alas I can't have you so its time, my job here is done. See you someday._

_Remember me,_

_Harry Styles your forever friend._

Ive never moved so fast in my life. The adrenaline pumping through my veins made my hands shake. I tried to unlock the door, tears brimmed my eyes. I could almost feel him going, it all made sense now. Finally, the door unlocked and I bursted into the hallway. I sprinted, towards the exit, out the door and into the dark street.

People were calling my name but they meant nothing to be in this moment. I was being honked at, taxis swiveled around me. My name was being called, people telling my to get out of the street. I was looking in car windows, every dark cab could hold Harry. Or was he already gone? Crying on the plane.

I caused him years of pain, my best friend was in love me with. I stopped running around the street, adrenaline dying down. He was in love with me and I didn't even notice. I trudged back to the sidewalk beside the reception hall. Alice wrapped me in her arms and promised our honeymoon would be marvelous.

I didn't feel like a happy groom anymore, I wanted to rewind to yesterday even this morning. I wanted to see Harry again. He didn't leave me an address, a phone number, nothing he just picked up and left. I touched my pocket the pendant making a small indent. _Remember me._

_**December 24th 2020** _

I drowned another bottle, then another, then a third. I giggled to myself, throwing the bottles up against the dirty wall of my bedroom. Alice left me two years ago. I didn't want to have kids with her. She complained too much. She always complained about how much I talked about Harry. She would mock me for it telling me that if I missed him so much I should go find him. The catch was if I did she wouldn't be there when I returned. 

I took five trips to New York that year alone, and several since. New York is a big place and Harry is one person. I was drunk out of my mind the cool metal scratched at my skin. I leaned my head back so I was starring at the ceiling. I laughed at the expensive chandler. I was a successful CEO. I was rich, people threw themselves at me and I threw myself into other things.

Drugs and alcohol were my best friends. I cleaned up every monday and broke down every friday night. A sick cycle, a lonely cycle. Today was my birthday and I was spending it throwing expensive bottles of liquor against my bedroom wall. Some maid would clean it up later. I laid down on the floor looking at the ceiling. The metal moved around my neck falling and pooling by my collarbone.

I grabbed it between two of my fingers and kissed the cold surface, the most innocent gift I have ever received, my prized possession and my last memory. I flipped it over his initials burning my eyes. Remember me on the other side. I let it fall down again, resting on my rising chest.

I grabbed my phone beside me and dialed the number I've been avoiding for five years. It rang for what felt like a million lifetimes before the voice closest to his rang through my ears.

_"Louis?"_

I sat up a little feeling like I was going to vomit now. 

_"Anne. I need your help."_

She sighed, probably knowing my intention.

_"Louis, are you drunk?"_

I laughed into the phone, hiccuping a little as tears formed.

_"If_ _I'm not drunk I'm high, thats the only way I can get through my days now."_

She sighed again, disappointment clear even to my drunk ears. I could hear her shuffling on the other side of the phone, probably away from her family.

_"What do you need Louis?"_

I hiccuped again. The thought of all the time I went to New York flashing through my mind. I held up Harrys picture every where asking, begging, hoping that someone knew him. No one ever did, I was starting to wonder if maybe he died. Maybe he just fell right off the edge of the earth. Maybe he moved to China like he said he would if I ever did.

_"I need his address. Im ready now. I have my ticket booked for tomorrow morning. Ive tried to many times, I'm not coming back empty handed this time."_

She was silent for a moment.

_"He lives at 45 Park Avenue. The penthouse."_

I sat for a moment in silence. A penthouse? No one moves to New York and gets a penthouse. 

_"Who does he live with."_

Anne coughed awkwardly 

_"You'll find out when you get there. Its not my place to tell."_

She hung up and left me alone, drunk and confused. My apartment smelt like alcohol. My mind was spinning as I brought myself to a staring position. I grabbed my suitcase and started packing.

*************

The plane ride was long, I had a hangover and the man next to me drooled more in those long hours than one human should in their lifetime. I sighed in relief when we landed and I was free to leave. I walked silently behind the crowd, unnoticed, no one spoke to me. It was nice feeling so small is such a big place.

I followed the crowd around the airport, to luggage claim. I shaved this morning, my face was smooth and smelled fresh. The little boy next to me smiled happily at me, dimples out, eyes wide, hair falling lighting over his eyes. He reminded me of Harry. Everything reminded me of Harry. The grass is green, Harrys eyes are green. I was in so deep.

I sighed taking my luggage off of the carousel. I rolled it behind me slowly and approached the driver who held up a piece of paper with my last name on it. I showed him my ID, told him the address and didn't talk to him for the whole ride. I payed him well, tipped him extra and put a look of determination on my face.

I walked into the building with my head up high. I approached the front desk and a small man looked at me confused.

"Can I help you sir?"

I smiled down at him, I probably looked crazy. I was dressed nicely, black suit and tie, hair pulled back away from my face.

"Im here to visit someone."

He nodded, not really paying attention to me. 

"Name?"

"Im Louis Tomlinson, Im here to visit Harry Styles."

He typed my name into the computer, shaking his head and trying again. He picked up the phone and dialed someone. For a second I thought he was going to call security on me but then I heard it. I haven't heard that voice in five years. He sounded older, softer even, his voice still raspy but not as much.

_"Hello?"_

The man looked me up and down, smiling a fake smile. Turning his attention to the speaker.

"Good morning Mr.Styles, there is a man here saying his name is Louis Tomlinson and he wants to come up and see you."

Harry chuckled on the other side of the phone. 

_"Is this one of my friends? Is this a Christmas joke?"_

The man looked at me for validation and I shook my head leaning forward hoping for the best. 

"Harry. Its. Its me."

There was a long erie silence, almost as if Harry was hearing a call from his dead relative. Before he answered quickly.

_"Send him up."_

The man smiled as an obnoxious ringing sounded, signaling to us that Harry hung up. He was waiting for me. He knew I was here. The man lead me to the elevator telling the elevator man to bring me to the penthouse. The door closed in front of my eyes, the doubt rising in my stomach.

Floor 2, I could always leave.

Floor 3, Will he be mad?

Floor 4, Why didn't I just say I was a pranking friend.

Floor 5, What does he look like now?

Floor 6, Is he a mess like me?

Floor 7, Does he know I'm divorced?

Floor 8, Im not ready for this.

Floor 9, This was a mistake.

Penthouse, Does he still love me?

I stepped out of the elevator. A black door was in front of me. I stood there staring at it. I could always go home. I didn't have to do this. The cool metal of the necklace pressed against my chest, my beating heart pounding out of my chest. 

I stepped closer and knocked on the door. Shuffling was heard, a shadow appeared under the door. He stood there for a while. Neither of us breathing. A lifetime passed between us and soon I heard a soft click, a lock being turned. I let go of all the air in my lungs as the door was opened.

Harry stood there, fancier clothes, longer hair, tattoos, greener eyes. We starred at each other for a long time, blue and green, a competition to see who was the weakest and who would pull away first. Maybe that person was the strongest. Fives years of emotion, pouring out in a single moment between a doorframe. 

"Harry? We have company?'

We? A broad man, a beautiful broad man, with blonde hair and blue eyes stood behind Harry in running attire. He smiled at me softly. Harry looked between us.

"Louis, This is Charlie, my fiancé."

I looked at Harrys hand and on it sat a wedding band, simple and elegant, probably expensive. The ring I gave him for his 21st birthday beside it. Finally, I understood what he meant 5 years ago when he wrote that note. The feeling I felt right now was immense and soul consuming. The note sat in my jacket pocket a little crumpled at the tips, but other than that, perfect condition.

I smiled and waved at Charlie, probably looking a little pissed off, or I was shooting daggers at him I couldn't tell and I didn't care. 

"Im Louis, Louis Tomlinson."

Harry turned to Charlie smiling softly.

"I was the best man at his wedding."

My heart hurt. The last time I saw him was that day and he's spitting it out like it wasn't the worst day of his life. He looked back at me smiling sweetly, almost in a testing way. 

"Hows Alice?"

I smiled at both of them teeth and all.

"We got divorced two years ago."

The room fell silent and Harrys hands falling away from the doorframe, to his side, a look of confusion on his face. Charlie picked up his water bottle from the side table. 

"Im sorry to hear that Louis, Ill leave your two alone. I need to take my daily jog anyway!" 

He kissed Harrys cheek and waved goodbye. Harry opened the door for me wider when he heard the elevator close, I walked in stepping beside him. We didn't move from the small hallway. I looked at him questioningly.

"When did you get engaged?"

He smiled softly at me, the ring on full display. I wanted nothing more then to lunge forward, rip it off and flush it down their expensive toilet. I almost laughed out loud at the thought.

"About four years ago."

I took a step back, confused, amused, and slightly confused. I couldn't help the tinge of a smile that showed up on my face.

"You've been engaged for four year. Sounds like you'll be forever engaged."

I didn't mean for it to sound cruel but no one stays engaged for four years and doesn't even plan marriage, by the calmness on Harrys face I could tell he wasn't planning a wedding any time soon. I know what it looked like to plan a wedding and their spotless apartment says otherwise. 

"We tried getting married two years ago. I chickened out."

I looked up at him, his baby face was gone, his scruff added years to him. 

"Why."

Harry smiled brushing some lint off my shoulder. The cold metal of his rings brushing my skin, lightly, gently tormenting me. 

"You."

I looked at him nodding.

"Then take off my fucking ring and get over me."

He pushed me against the wall lightly the necklace bouncing lightly on my chest. He looked down noticing it just now. He had me between his body and the wall. His non ring decorated hand behind my head, resting against the wall. His other, on my chest, laying flat.

He was breathing heavily my heart was beating a mile a minute. He could feel it, his hand was the reason for it anyway. His finger reached out flipping the pendant. His initials, facing him now, no scratches, no smudges, it looked brand new.

He flipped it again remember me, the same condition. This was something I obviously took care of, something I cared about. He smiled softly at it and then gave me a hard look.

"Ill take the ring off and get over you the moment you take the necklace off and forget me."

He went to move and I shook my head no, wrapping both hands around his wrist. It was an odd scene. Harry was fully hovering me now, my smaller hands wrapped around his big one, head shaking, tears streaking my cheeks.

"No! No, Im sorry. Im so fucking sorry. Im a wreck! Ive been a wreck since the day I read your letter. I ran into the street and looked into cab windows hoping one of the silhouettes would be you! I visited New York at least 5 times a year. A picture of you in hand, asking strangers if they knew you! No one ever did."

I was panting tears were streaming. Harry looked nervous, sad even.

"Louis relax."

He said it so quietly I wanted to die, right there on his posh floor. I only gripped his hand tighter pulling him to my chest further, foreheads touching, eyes burning into each other, untouched emotions coming out to play. 

"I haven't stopped drinking! If I'm not drunk, I'm high or at work which pays too well but is the equivalent of hell. Alice made me make a choice! She was sick and tired of hearing me bitch and moan about you so she said that I could go and look for you! But, if I went she wouldn't be there when I got back and Harry, I went! I went five times that year alone."

I was searching his eyes but too many emotions swam in them. He was so close to me, hot breath fanning over my lips, I felt like crying he wasn't saying anything. 

"Harry, tell me I'm not too late." 

I could feel his rings underneath my finger tips. The tears brimmed my eyes, threatening to spill over at any given moment.

"Louis, you're too late."

I could feel my chest giving in. The tears spilled over, my lower lip pouting. I cried staring into his eye and tears formed in his eyes as well, he become blurry, my mind lost in thought. How could I be too late.

"I wish you weren't."

I looked at him again. He was crying, maybe as much as I was.

"You know you don't need to do this! You can still pick me."

Harry looked at me his head pushing further against mine. 

"I love him."

I felt broken, teared apart at the loose seems, my marriage failed, yes, I was rich but I hated what I did. I haven't been sober for years. This moment, the moment in which I stood, holding Harrys hand close to my chest was the most sober moment Ive had since my divorce. I felt stupid, why on earth did I come here. I should've left when I had the chance. I had one question for him.

"More than me?"

He looked at me confused caught in his own thoughts.

"Do you love him more than you love me."

Harry looked down mumbling a small yes. I felt like he just punched me in the face several times. I was angry now too, the thought that maybe I was actually to late was standing over my shoulder with one hand firmly placed there.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me anymore and that you never did."

I spit it out like venom from my mouth, the word love wasn't foreign to me at one point, today it felt like it was a word my tongue had never tasted before. I wanted to spit it out again and again, chewing it to the bone and the some. 

He bashed his fist against the wall beside my head. He angrily looked up at me his voice, lower, scary even. His eyes, saucers, lined with tears, angry and sad, a beautiful mixture of emotion.

"LOUIS! DONT MAKE ME SAY IT!"

I sucked in more air then I needed, he was angry now, he was yelling, I didn't want him to yell. I cried harder, vision completely blurred. I wouldn't be surprised if Harrys hand would have my nail marks in it for days.

"You don't love him. You love me! If you loved him you would've married him two years ago! If you loved him you wouldn't have let me in here! You would've slammed the door in face! You wouldn't wear my ring! You wouldn't be here in the first place if you didn't love me more than any other human to walk this earth."

I sighed breathing in, my lungs felt like they were going to collapse, sobs leaving both of our mouths.

"You're not angry because I'm being rude or selfish, you're angry because I'm right."

I took one hand off his and rummaged through my pocket pulling out the piece of paper we both really needed to see. I placed it in-between our hands, bringing us back to that day, Harry ran away and I ran into the dark London streets not knowing he was long gone.

"In here you said you loved me more than I understood and more than you wanted to feel! Now tell me. Tell me why you love me and come home."

Harry sighed, the all too familiar note bringing a new wave of emotions out of him. 

"Do you really want to know why I love you? I don't think you have that kind of time."

I nodded quickly. Knowing I had all the time in the world, I had no wife to return to, my parents knew I traveled randomly and often. I wanted to sit here for the rest of my life while Harry talked.

"Your eyes, they're what dragged me in, the perfect blue. They change color, for example they're turing green as you cry. I always liked that. I felt like there were bits of me in you. Small bits but bits all the same. Your voice, I could listen to you talk all day. Whether you were whining or talking about your favorite movie of the month. Your laughter, you intoxicate the whole room. Its contagious, it takes a lot not to laugh along. I could go on but I think you get my point."

I nodded quickly smiling again, He was looking at me with less anger. My fingers loosed around his hand. 

"Then come home."

He looked around the penthouse.

"This is home."

I pulled his hand over so his palm laid flat on my chest, over my heart.

"No, this is home."

He bit his lip. He was actually contemplating it. Hope raised in my chest, my heart beating too fast. 

"You don't belong here Harry, you belong with me. You knew it in 8th grade, you knew it at prom, you knew it at my wedding and I know it now. Don't tell me I'm too late, don't tell me this is home. You've been here 5 years and you haven't even tried to make it home, you wear my ring, you said you wanted to start over far away from me but the same day you gave me a necklace that said remember me, you've been waiting 5 years for this moment and now I'm here."

Harry sobbed taking his hands from my grip and wrapping his arms around my waist. Pulling me off the ground, squishing me to the point of giggles. 

"Im so happy you finally came back to me." 

I smiled as he set me down, hands cupping his face, smiling widely at each other.

"I don't think I ever left."

He leaned forward ever so slightly. I smiled a moment I've waited 5 years for. He smiled back and I pull him in the rest of the way. The pieces of both of our shattered heart becoming one again. The missing pieces weren't moments, song lyrics, or quotes from your favorite book. The missing pieces of your heart can only be filled by your other half, your soulmate. I know I found mine as his lips mixed with the taste of tears tasted like the best thing I've ever tasted.

We pulled back breathlessly and he wrapped his fingers around his engagement ring. He pulled it off smiling as he placed it off the coffee table and grabbed his coat. I smiled standing there.

"Don't you need to pack your clothes?"

He laughed opening the door motioning for me to go first.

"He bought them all for me my old clothes are still in my room at my moms house."

I smiled as he grabbed my hand lacing our fingers together lightly.

"Lets go home." 


End file.
